He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
