i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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