just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want to make out with him forever
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
