@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
