Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
