So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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