Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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