Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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