i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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