i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so let's talk penis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
