24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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