i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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