I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
