I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
