thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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