this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
