Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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