dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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