I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
