Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
