OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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