12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
