forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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