he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
