the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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