Tell her she can't have a vagina
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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