Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
