I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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