My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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