Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
