Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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