You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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