Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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