The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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