yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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