1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
