Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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