How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
