Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
