Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
