I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
