worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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