he wants to bone in the snuggie
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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