fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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