no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is wine microwaveable?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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