the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
