The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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