so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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