addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
