I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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