I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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