You're my little dorito
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
