At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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