just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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