that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
