Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
