this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
