but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i drank out of a bidet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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