I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Houston, we have a blender
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
