my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
