I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
