There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
