I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
