she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
