There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
