Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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