Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
