I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
