There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
